“Nature is full of genius, full of the Divinity;
So that not a snowflake escapes its fashioning hand.”
~Henry David Thoreau
I haven’t written a traditional blog entry since my accident. Remember the blog, “Mirror, Mirror on the Wall,” where I talked about my freak accident and head injury? Well, life peeled back another layer that day and almost everything (and no-thing) changed. The veil between my body and consciousness thinned even more with that event, as I nursed myself back to the real world of life incarnate. Something shifted. I brought a deeper, richer, more integrated understanding of ME back to corporal life. In fact, the individual, ego-based ME, was knocked out of the ballpark. A soft, content essence of calm knowing was left. I was less able to be in my head, thinking, and surrendered to a state of total PRESENCE.
Since then, I’ve experienced a creative blast — painting, writing poetry, visioning, and downloading information from the universe daily, like never before. I am more free-spirited — moving with what presents in the moment and trusting that God and the universe support me. I am more passionate, sensual, and alive with a boundless imagination. I am more present. I am embodying a new consciousness, a divine presence, and integrating all of who I am. I’m tuned in, able to hear Source more fluently. Sadly, I literally had to get knocked out, and LOOSE CONSCIOUSNESS, to remember who I am in this visceral new way.
So what shifted? What have I learned?
I used to be “in my head” a lot! I mean, A LOT! Yet, I was out of my head and out of my body a lot, too. I have been a mystic since early childhood. I’ve had many experiences throughout my life that have, at times, transcended my human understanding, including a near death experience, regular out-of-body experiences, awe-inspiring moments of oneness with all of creation, journeys to other realms, visions, and intuitive gifts. Some believe those who endure great trauma in life open a portal to the other realms. If this is true, I get it — my childhood was peppered with adverse experiences and trauma. Others say that highly creative people live closer to the edge of other realities. I get that, too.
So when I wasn’t out of my body having profound spiritual and mystical experiences, I was in my head searching for more cosmic insight and trying to figure things out. I have spent incredible amounts of energy looking for ways to bring the two worlds together. I’ve exhausted countless hours trying to devise gentle ways to tell those in both religion, and medicine, that they’re missing something. I’ve consumed years of my career studying and training in Buddhist Psychology, mindfulness, Christian Contemplative Traditions, Centering Prayer, meditation, world religions, energy studies, holistic health, and Mind/Body Medicine. I was so wrapped up in my head wanting to unlock the mysteries of the universe and help relieve suffering from the illusion of separation, that I, myself, created more of the separation. Unknowingly, I was fueling a mind/body split, instead of fully embodying consciousness. Now, I get it! It’s NOT an either/or deal when it comes to consciousness. The universe literally had to knock me over the head to wake me up a little more.
Humanity has spent thousands of years “practicing” different paths to enlightenment in the same manner. We have created a myth that nirvana, or Heaven exists outside of ourselves, and we practiced leaving our bodies (or dying) to get there. We’ve believed in deities that are separate from ourselves, usually outside the universe, and created illusions of separation from God and our fellow wo/man. We’ve endured a hunger for the sacred and searched for intellectual answers from teachers, gurus, and drug-induced mystical experiences. We’ve fought over our definitions of “the one true religion” and killed in the name of Allah. We’ve created Theology by thinking about, and studying, God and we’ve believed the mystics were Saints from long ago or modern day “woo-woo” pagan crazy people. Yet, we still thirst for a divinity that mirrors more closely an experiential, knowing presence and fail to have language to describe it.
The good news is, we are waking up from the illusions of separation. We are waking from our perceived dualistic existence. We are evolving into beings that can fully embody divine consciousness. It’s a beautiful time to be alive on our planet and witness the evolution of the psyche! We no longer need to leave our bodies to discover bliss, Nirvana, or God. We can stop searching and dissolve completely into our BEINGness. It’s time to occupy our bodies more completely – staying present, staying grounded on the earth, and staying connected to Source. It’s time to remember who we really are and ride the wave of conscious evolution.
So, surrender. Knock yourself silly with bliss. Get out of your head and into your life. Get out of your “me” and into the knowing. Allow the veil between you and divine consciousness to thin even more.
Abundant Blessings, Julie
I had a freak accident last night. I went to the restroom in the middle of the night, fell, and lost consciousness. I don’t remember the event. My husband found me on the floor. The evidence suggests I fell, hit the right side of my head on the edge of the counter (small contusion), and then landed on my left side, hitting a blunt object and splitting the left side of my forehead open. This bazaar series of events landed me in the E.R., being treated for a concussion and receiving six stitches.
So, looking in the mirror this morning, I lovingly comforted the two inches of tender tissue. And, with complete acceptance, I intentionally looked myself in the eyes, and affirmed my innate beauty – bumps, bruises, bloody-messed-up hair, and all. I could do this because I was given a beautiful, incredible gift one week ago.
Last weekend, we went to our new favorite restaurant at the lake. I looked in the mirror while washing my hands. I hardly ever look up to the mirror – I usually look down at my hands. This is an old habit that was formed after years and years of self-criticism and self-rejection. I never really looked in the mirror much. However recently, I have spent considerable time and energy learning to love myself and love myself completely – just the way I am: flaws and all, perfectly imperfect. I have practiced self-compassion and have learned to re-claim the parts of me I had believed I needed to hide, reject, and try to fix. Self-compassion is a healing balm; self-love is a magic elixir. By reclaiming all the parts of me, I fell in love with my body – every wrinkle and age spot, my ankles, hands, thighs, stomach, breasts, my soft curves, every inch! I learned to respect the service my body plays in fulfilling my divine purpose. And, now I feel like a newborn infant, playing with her toes and giggling in delight of this thing called a body, a life. I love myself – all of me.
Back to the incredible gift from last week… In the restroom of the restaurant, when I was washing my hands, something sacred happened. You know how you “lock eyes” with someone from across the room? I did that. When I reached down to wash my hands, my eyes locked on to the eyes of my soul through the mirror, and I had a profoundly beautiful moment. They say that the eyes are the window to the soul. I get it. It’s as if the world had taken a timeout. Time stood still and the room disappeared. I was there with “my Self” gazing deep within my own eyes in the mirror. When the world stopped, a slice of divinity opened for a brief, magical moment. I literally could not move my gaze, as I witnessed “my Self” telling myself how beautiful I was. The warm gentle exchange was affirming. I felt a divine presence and relished in this sacred moment. I experienced the love of being my own “best friend.” It was as if the self-compassion and self-love clicked into a permanent place of celebration and infinite joy. I melted and softened even more as I stood gazing in that mirror. I passed a test, became whole again, and the love for myself, and ALL of who I am, became boundless, limitless, and immeasurable. It was sacred love.
Today, when I look into the mirror, I am aware of the nice scar that will line my forehead. I’ll consider it a “battle scar.” The self-limiting battle of self-criticism and self-rejection is OVER, and I won! I will wear the mark proudly as I have no room for self-limiting battles, vanity distractions, or ego blocks to divert me from this infinite, sacred love. I have divine purpose in this life and this experience has opened me to the fullness and greatness of who I am.
Fruit is supposed to be sweet, right? Well, sometimes. Red juicy strawberries are amazing. I love red juicy strawberries. But sometimes, they are tart. My mother-in-law sprinkles them with sugar. Actually, if truth were told, there’s no “sprinkling.” She slices them and covers them with lots of sugar!
Bananas always did well at our house when the kids were home. I like them firm and on the greener side. My husband and boys like them when they start getting brown spots. And, my daughter loves them ripe. I’m not fond of the soft, mushy, super-sweet bananas. But it didn’t matter, because if they got to that stage and my daughter wasn’t around to enjoy them, they would get put in the freezer for the next loaf of banana bread. Apples are the same. We all have different favorites. I like my apples firm and crisp with a juicy, sweet-tart combination. I used to think the redder the apple the better, but that just isn’t true. Again, I’m not fond of the soft, mushy apples.
I’ve been eating a lot of blueberries this summer. This past weekend, I mindfully observed myself reaching for the larger berries first. And then I would eat the smaller ones in descending order – from biggest to smallest. I learned a lot from the berries. First, the larger ones aren’t necessarily the sweetest. “The bigger the better” is NOT true. I found large berries that were tart, sweet, and variations between. And the same is true for the smallest berries. Some of the smallest berries were succulent and heavenly. Why do I reach for the large ones first?
Until this past weekend, I have never eaten a blueberry that was smashed or broken open. Maybe it’s partly because I don’t want to stain anything. But mostly, it’s the reason I mentioned: I’m not fond of soft, mushy fruit. Soft and mushy usually grosses me out! However, everything changed when I accidently put a soft and mushy, broken-open blueberry in my mouth. It was stuck to one of those big berries and I didn’t see it. Instantly, when I felt the soft and mushy texture, I wanted to cringe. However, something amazing happened. The broken-open blueberry captured my attention with its sweet, pleasurable “real blueberry” flavor. It was as if I tasted a REAL blueberry for the first time. Yum!
Sometimes life is like that. Some of our experiences are on the firm and green side. Some are tart; others are sweet. Some are big; others are small. But it’s those times when we surrender and allow ourselves to be broken open that show us what we’re really made of – our true essence. I’ve been broken open many times in my life. As I think back on my journey, I remember the times I tried to put myself back together as quickly as I thought I could. It never really worked. There were other times when I was disgusted at the “soft and mushy” parts of me. Similar to that of fruit, I would try to throw away the soft and mushy, broken-open pieces of me. Discard them. I was broken… I must be garbage… disgusting. That never really worked, either. And then there were the times when I left my broken open self un-attended, and the soft and mushy quickly turned to mold. Yuk. That just left an unpleasant odor in my life. It’s sad… I didn’t realize the sweet essence of ME that was begging to be tasted.
I’ve been broken open again, and the experience this time is so different. The sweet nectar of the real me is a delicious new experience. I’m playing in the soft and mushy essence of divinity expressing itself through me. It’s messy and mushy and sweet. I am delighting in all the new ways of being. There’s no form and I’m not “broken,” I’m just perfectly “broken open.” Drinking in the joy of my true essence, I experience the fullness of who I really am. Maybe I’ve never before been truly developed to the point of readiness for the harvest of my full, mature, rich life. But in this moment, the suitable time has arrived, and breaking open feels like the perfect gesture to honor the season of my soul’s ripe journey. There’s nothing to put back together – to fix. There’s nothing to throw away – no garbage. There’s nothing stinky or moldy – I’m not spoiled. It is just the pure, blissful essence of the REAL me spilling out and expressing itself in the world.
Life is sweet… Break open!
I love to fly. I feel expansive and free when I’m above the clouds. I feel “home.” When I fly, my perspective literally changes in more ways than one. The bird’s-eye-view shifts my perspective and perception of my small mind and body. I am no longer a resident of my small town in Nebraska, I am home in the ethers; home in the clouds; home over the mountains and oceans and prairies. As I (my corporal self) become small, the real me expands to even greater states of knowing. I am connected to all things. The air I breathe supports the cloud hovering over the fields. The rhythm of my heart beats in harmony with the symphony of nature unfolding in beautiful time. And the solar rays – oh how the brilliant light beams whisper directly to my soul. I open to the new and expand into the mystery, leaving my heavy, dense corporal body and mind in another world.
My vision is not only that of X thousand feet in the air, zipping along the jet stream. My vision expands beyond the cosmos. It’s my time to download, connect, and be inspired. Have you heard the phrase, “she has her head in the clouds?” When my head is in the clouds I see clearly, I know deeply, and I feel my oneness. It’s a beautiful meditative state.
We live in a beautiful world and a wonderful time. If you’re reading this, maybe it’s time to shift your perspective. Put your head in the clouds, or maybe even stretch your neck and reach far beyond the clouds. You don’t need an airline ticket to expand your awareness. You simply need to wake up and choose to stay awake, even when the ride is turbulent and scary. Stay awake. Welcome the new perspective when life appears distorted and unfamiliar. Expanded consciousness only happens when you are fully present in the multi-sensory experience of this moment. Enlightenment is an action or state of attaining spiritual knowledge. That action can occur when you are fully present chopping vegetables, folding laundry, or sitting on a plane. Come fly with me!